


Resignation

by Jeredu



Category: Tales of Xillia
Genre: Angst, Gen, Spoilers for after the Zenethra, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-22
Updated: 2014-06-22
Packaged: 2018-02-05 18:36:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1828243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jeredu/pseuds/Jeredu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alvin had surrounded himself with broken pedestals. Maybe it was time to shatter his own.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Resignation

Empty.  

 

Alvin could have given into the emptiness inside so many times. So many ways.  There was an irritating burn of anger that wouldn't quite allow him to let go yet, but it didn't stop his mind from running every possible scenario. 

 

His hands were shaking, his gun was smoking from where he'd aimed it at Jude's head, where the kid lay in the dirt, and missed.  Jude was still smarting from that last kick, eyes still glowing with unshed tears, narrowed in anger, but at least they no longer reflected the emptiness he felt. At least this desperate struggle had served to push one of them to their feet.  He'd hoped Jude would kill him, but it seemed impossible to expect that, now. 

 

He staggered away, without a word, bitterly hoping his wounds would take care of the rest. 

 

He could find Ivar. All it would take was four words.  Well, maybe six.

 

"I'm sorry. I let her die."

 

He could wander off into the forest or make his way to the seafalls. They'd never find his body. The monsters would do the rest. 

 

He would have gone after Gilland himself if Milla had turned him down, but he had no doubts that it was a mission from which neither he nor his target would ever return. 

Too late.  

Part of him burned with even more guilt for leaving Jude to deal with Leia. He'd heard the girl stirring; maybe she would live. For Jude's sake, he hoped so.  He knew he was still damned either way.  One miraculous recovery wouldn't save him from that. 

He could make good of his last bullet, precious enough now that he'd estranged himself from Exodus and had a limited supply. 

He could simply give up, the way Jude had, without a Leia to pull him out of the abyss. 

He could find Elize and lie about what he'd done to Leia and Jude.  Tell her he'd come for her next.  

He could find Muzet and tell her he'd failed.  Hell, she'd probably find him, anyway. 

He could throw himself off of the hallowmont. 

He could do any number of things. 

His mind ran through a thousand scenarios. 

In the end, he was a coward through and through.  Facing any of them would have meant more pain and he'd already used himself up dealing with Jude. 

In the end, he decided he'd make his way to the hallowmont anyway, and see if the first or the last would throw themselves into his lap.   He never ran into Ivar. Maybe Ivar had gone in search of Jude, to avenge the woman he loved.  And by the time he made his way to the top, that was taken from him, too, as familiar faces greeted him in distaste. 

Alvin sighed, and resigned himself, for now, to living. 

**Author's Note:**

> I had too many ideas bumping around in my head, so I had to get this out of my system and put it into words. Also counts as my first published Xillia work, since the only other thing I posted was a speculative thing on tumblr.


End file.
